This is a repost from last June, and yet it was such a sweet reminder to me that I wanted to share it again, or for the first time with you Newbies. :-)
I am sitting here thinking that I have too many online things to keep up with. Blog, facebook, Myspace, email, googling anything my heart wishes to read about(which is mostly dec stuff these days...) and I realize that I often neglect some in order for the others... My Myspace hasnt been updated in ages and i dont really care, either. Facebook- eh... it can sit- I think I shall focus on my blog for abit.
Yesterday we took our sons to the Air show. Amazing is all I can say about the mena nd women who defend our freedom from thousands of feet up at warp speed! The blue angels took my breath away- the power behind those planes and the precision in the pilots. WOW!
Last week we took the kiddos to Holiday world and what a day it was! We camped the night before, and the next mnorning as we were walkign to the bathhouse Quin saw the campgrounds playground. He jumped up and down and said YES! YES! Mom- it's HOLIDAY WORLD LET'S GO! Oh I laughed until my sides hurt at my son staring as a slide, and 4 swings, and 1 climby tunnel thinking THIS was what our 3 hour drive and overnight stay was for. If he only knew how much better it would be!
And I realized- How often does MY Father say the same thing? How often have I shouted YES! LET'S GO! And God wants MORE for me than my lil' pea brain can comprehend? How often have I begged for that little playground and God has said "Okay, honey, I guess I will say yes, but i wish you would do it MY way." And His heart aches as I contentedly swing, and slide, all the while He knows how much MY heart will ache when I realize what I have missed out on?
I have found myself praying Psalm 34 lately- that God would give me the desires of my heart. In typing that please understand that as I draw near to God, my hearts desires change, and they become more in line with HIS desires for my life, therefore, as I draw closer, the desires of my heart granted are not self centered, but God centered. I pray He delights in my ways and that in turn my steps are firm. I want to have a heart that sees Him in all, in my pain, in my joy, in sorrow.
This year has been tough for me. So much I have struggled through with the Lord on a personal level. And as I have sat begging God to remove the thorn from my flesh, He has said No, But His grace is sufficient for me for His power is perfected in my weakness. And as He has said no, the desire of my heart has changed- from no longer begging, pleading, but asking HOW God? HOW can I use my luggage for your Glory? How can I use my hurt/illness/etc for YOUR glory? And the focus has changed from ME to HIM. Which is what He wanted in the first place. How stubborn of me as I was begging for a park here on earth, He was wanting heaven in my heart...
What are your desires?