Blessedmama

Today was a long day. This week has been a long week. Bren didnt move off the couch but to pee until it was time for his MRI. The hospital called yesterday and asked what day/time was good for us. I told the nurse ASAP, we would drop it all and make it happen. So today it was. He was able to stay still for a whole hour and 15 minutes. He was fabulous and God SO answered prayers! He took his favorite stuffed turtle with him. Its a sweet soft turtle that his little brother bought him with his own money, which is why Brennan loves is so very much. AndTHAT warms my heart.
We don't have results yet nor will we until monday or tuesday. I am jsut prayign for clear images, and a plan to get my sweet son out of pain! He has not gone to school all week except for Wednesday, and the school called me within the hour to come and get him. Although he was miserable today, and rated his pain at a 7 he insisted on walking through the halls of the childrens hospital. I offerred a wagon, and a wheel chair and he refused. By the time we were leaving he was tripping because his left leg was going out from under him. I am amazed at how he keeps on going, at how he wants to try, to be like all the other kids in the neighborhood, and his brothers. We have googled athletes with arthritis and found 2 olympians. His face lit up. I saw a spark of hope that one day he too could be running, and swimming, and competing, and that this isnt the end. And I wonder- how will God use this? How will he take my sweet son, and mold his heart, and use this disease for his glory? I pray his heart stays soft, and doesnt becoem embittered, or beaten down.
In the midst of all of this I realize this has changed, is changing our family. My oldest is jealous at all the school Bren is missing, and the new bike that he got. My youngest wants my time and energy that has been shifted to another. My husband is trying to stay strong while I am weak in this. I wonder what effect this will have on outings, vacations, etc. We will need to make sure if Brennan is not in remission that our family time doesn't make him feel left out. Or that it doesn't make the other kids feel as if their desires are not as important. Hiking is something we love to do...... will Brennan be able to hike this year at all? What about a day walking the amusement park?
And in all this I am reminded that Gods mercies are in fact new every morning. And this disease seems to be a moment by moment, day by day and we will in fact need new mercies every morning. So lets see what tomorrow holds, because we have soccer games, and my son couldn't walk worth 2 cents today.