Monday, May 2, 2011

D is for...

Diagnosis day. April 28th, 2011. My son, 6, charming, wonderful, sweet, and practically perfect has juvenile arthritis. Thi blog has been home repairs, things Ive made, etc, etc. And all of those things seem well, trivial to me tonight as I sit and ponder life. It started in january. the 11th to be exact. He woke up like this. Well, it was worse- this is better than how he woke up.

He couldnt walk at first. He was like a sobbing wet noodle tryign to stand. I thought of tumors, and strokes as I dialed the phone and panicked. I obviously wasnt talkign clearly because the nurse, and my husband thought he had growing pains! After bloodwork and exams we were told he had viral arthritis. My husband, whose neck could be 2/3rds severed before he ever saw a doctor took one look at my video footage that night and was silent. For five full minutes. Then quietly he asked when he saw the specialist.
After a short lived break, like 7 days,  from the symptoms they came roaring back, and we began to realize that viral arthritis never lasts more than 8 weeks. My sons ANA antibodies were positive, and it was time to see a rheumatologist.
It took 3 months to see our doctor. 3 months of me hoping it was something else. 3 months of me prayign it was someting else. 3 months of me watching him run around 1 day, then sob and shuffle and limp another.
I have prayed God would show my son perserverance. And as these 3 months have gone by, and Ive prayed for healing God has whispered to my heart- :why so quick to pray for perserverance, and then for the trial to be removed? My purpose will be perfected in yoru son. " I was reading abotu the man born blind from birth, who did not sin, but was blind that Gods glory might be revealed. matthew

The author asked- what was harder to accept? the condition, or that it was caused by one who could heal it?
As i read that I was shaken to my core. As Jerry Bridges says in Trusing God- it is far easier to obey God than it is to trust Him. The question I kept being asked was 'Do you trust me with your son?" Do YOU trust me, with your son?" Do you TRUST me with your son? Do you trust me with your SON?
And I have sat before God this week almost silent. I have sewed, and neglected housework to escape, I have driven to the mall, and neglected housework to escape. I have played board games with and snuggled a child who hurts, and is stiff, and is asking- Momma, will my legs ALWAYS hurt? Momma- is it wrong for me to think God is kind of mean to not fix my legs?
And I have tried to push away my thoughts crowding my mind with menial things. And I cannot. God loves me too much to allow it. Tonight as I sat to read with my sons our daily devotion I almost wept when I saw the title. Gods timing is perfect. The passage?
1 Peter 1:3-9

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy,he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, toan inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
and Phillipians 4:13
I can do all thrings through Christ who gives me strength.
And as I asked teh questions that corresponded with the story my son talked about his arthritis. His disease.
And we talked about how our life on earth is but a vapor compared to eternity in heaven. How God can heal Him, but God has a plan regardless. We talked abotu trust, and Gods glory beign revealed in our lives. And I just wanted to hold him, and take that weight from my 6 year old son. My son asking if this will affect his eyes as the doctor mentioned. My son who is too precious to me to see this. My son. MY SON.
How God must have ached as he watched Christ hang on that cross!
I know my God has plans. I look back and see the pain Christ went through was for GOOD. I want to see the future of my sons trial, and all I can do is trust. Do I trust Him with my son?

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